New Home: Colossians 3.18-21 (ESV)

In Colossians, Paul is writing to a people who are finding their way in the world just like we are.  How do we do what we are called to do?  How does it affect the rest of our lives?  We learned a lot growing up and we find ourselves turning into our parents!  Men, many of us walk around the house turning off the lights.  Ladies, you might think sometimes that you’re turning into your mother?  The people in Colossae were the same, but they are now in Christ and things are different.  Paul is addressing that in this passage. 

This passage is probably familiar to you.  There’s a lot of preconceived notions about what these verses mean.  It’s about the roles of wives and husbands.  This is an opportunity to ask how we interpret Scripture.  This passage is in a letter that was written to the Colossian church.  It was circulated to other churches as well.  The question we have is are these things just for that church, or for us also?  There’s two ways to interpret Scripture:

Descriptive – it was written to that church.

Prescriptive – It’s for any church in any situation and for us as well.

Does this passage apply to us today?  If so, how exactly should this be applied to us today?  We have to look at this passage in its context.  Let’s skip ahead to next week, for example.  Verse 22 is about slavery.  It’s easy for us to know what the Bible intends for us.  Paul does not overthrow slavery.  He does not condemn it.  For those who are slaves the priority is the Gospel of Jesus Christ, not an immediate cultural change.  The prescriptive view says that slavery is ok.  We are affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention.  Early in our history it was ok to own slaves.  In 2021 we are surprised by this!  We’re even repulsed by it.  We know slavery is not God’s design.  Paul is writing to the Colossians and it is descriptive here.  It’s not meant to be carried out by us literally.  We cannot go into a passage of Scripture and say this part is one what and this other part is another way.  Paul is describing how families are to live together in that day. 

Wives, expect and encourage your husband to lead.

                    ¹⁸Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 

These instructions are for those who are married.  Phoebe and Lydia are examples of women who were head of their households.  This does not apply to them.  The culture of the Colossians and Rome was such that men had complete authority over their household.  Paul is saying that since you are a believer you will be different than the culture.  The surprise here is that Paul is not telling them to overthrow their culture, like slavery or the authority of men.  Why does Paul need to tell them this?  These women know they are equal to men.  They’re believers.  Paul is writing to the wives in Colossae.  Yes, you’re equal; you’re free in Christ.  For the sake of the Gospel do not upset the culture at this time.  There’s a reason he says this.

Paul writes in a pattern in this passage.  The pattern is who, what and why.  Who is the wives.  What is that wives are to submit.  Why is because of Jesus and it is, “fitting in the Lord.”  Why?   It will help the cause of the Gospel.  The principle we can take from this is that wives are to encourage their husbands to follow Jesus.  They’re to encourage their husbands to lead their children to follow Jesus.  Wives are to follow Jesus too.  If you’re all going in the same direction it’s not hard to follow.  There’s a disclaimer here though: “as is fitting in the Lord.”  Sometimes this is misinterpreted.  Paul doesn’t say to obey no matter what.  Paul is saying always follow Jesus first!  God is the first priority in our lives. 

In Luke 2 Jesus is 2 years old.  He and his family are in the temple and Jesus is left behind.  Jesus is missing.  When his parents found him he asked, “Where did you think I’d be?”  Jesus followed God over obeying His parents.  In Mark 12 Jesus is doing strange things and his family is worried about him.  He’s healing people.  He’s giving sight to the blind.  He’s talking about a future Kingdom.  His family is thinking they should take Jesus home before he embarrasses himself some more.  Jesus asks, “Who is my mother and brother?”  Those who follow God.  Wives, a call to submit is a call to pray your husband will lead your family to follow God.  Encourage your husband and insist he follow Christ.

Husbands, love like Jesus.

                    ¹⁹Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 

Husbands are to love like Jesus.  We still have this pattern here of who, what and why, but here for the men it’s who, what and what.  There’s not a why.  Men, we don’t need to know why.  We just need to know what to do and do it.  We are to love our wives and not be harsh with them.  The call is to love your wife.  The people of Colossae knew what love meant, but the word used here is ‘agapae.’  It’s the kind of love Christ has for us.  Paul says something counter cultural here.  Love your wife like Christ loves you.  If we can succeed in that the rest is self-explanatory.  Do not be harsh with them means to have a good attitude about this.  Harsh means, ‘bitter.’  What has a bitter taste?  Lemon peels and coffee are bitter.  Coffee requires cream and sugar to be tolerated.  Love your wives and treat them like coffee!  Do not be bitter with your wife. 

Paul is calling men and women to give up their rights.  They’re called to not do what other men and women in their culture are doing.  Friends will look at them strangely.  We can have resentment in us.  We can do something but not like doing it.  You do it but you do not enjoy it.  We are to love our wives and be happy about it. 

Children, listen you your parents who love you.

                    ²⁰Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 

Paul knew children would be present and he speaks directly to them.  He tells them to obey their parents in everything because this pleases the Lord.  Paul did not write the word obey to the wives.  Children are called to obey their parents.  The call isn’t to just one parent, but to both parents.  Why?  Because this pleases the Lord.  It’s pleasing to God when you obey.  Your parents have a great responsibility to raise you to follow Jesus.  One day they will be accountable to God for how they raised you and what they taught you.  When they tell you to things they have a responsibility.  One day your parents want you to leave home.  They want you to be independent and successful.  They want you to have the attributes of Jesus.  Imagine if they did not love you, care about you or teach you anything.  For example, there’s a warning on the side of Playdough and Slime saying it’s not intended to be eaten.  Why?  Because we’d all still be eating Playdough if our parents didn’t teach us not to eat it.  Parents stop you from eating it and it might seem mean at the time.  Wives, husbands and children, the Holy Spirit spoke these things to Paul. 

Fathers, believe in your children.

                    ²¹Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

Here Paul speaks intentionally to the fathers.  Do not provoke or irritate your children.  Fathers, you might be asking why do I need this word?  We fathers are the fun ones, right?  We tell good jokes like, why does a bee have sticky hair?  Because he uses a honeycomb!  We fathers usually have good intentions.  Fathers have a huge task.  The danger is that we can be too harsh and too strong in our teaching.  The call here is to not crush the spirit of the child.  Fathers have the capacity to shut down their child.  The child can start to think they’re worthless and become discouraged.  If a father tells a child they will never be good enough eventually the child will believe it.  We want to give instructions in a way that will encourage our children.  We are called to protect the hearts of our children.  Parents stand between their children and a cruel world.  Continue teaching but care for the hearts of your children. 

A couple of months ago we had a funeral for Henry Loy.  He was one of our greeters and he was always smiling.  You wouldn’t know he was struggling with cancer.  His daughter shared that as a child she came home very discouraged that she was the only one in class that couldn’t do the monkey bars at school.  She came home crying and she was crushed.  Henry took her to the school to practice several times.  She remembered he believed in her.  Fathers, your children need to know you believe in them.  These instructions are for all of us to do what is fitting in the Lord.  Nothing is more important than the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  A temptation is to overthrow our culture.  As hearts are changed by the Gospel, then culture changes.  In the home, do you follow Christ?  How can we follow Jesus in our homes and how can we be more like Jesus?  Are you willing to lay down your rights for the sake of the Gospel?

Sermon by Dr. Scotty Carpenter. Sermon Notes are taken and posted by Jeni Martin Johnson.